THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING BRAVE TIMMY AND TELLING YOUR STORY!
- IF YOU HADN'T HEARD PART ONE, GO READ THAT. TIMMY WAS MY BEST MAN IN MY WEDDING AND IS ONE OF THE KINDEST PEOPLE I KNOW. HE IS A YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME AND HAS BEEN WORKING AT HIS WORK FOR I THINK 15 YEARS AT LEAST AND THAT SHOWS HIS CHARACTER OF BEING A HARDWORKING INDIVIDUAL.
HE ALSO IS ONE OF THE BEST GUITAR PLAYERS I KNOW AND HAS BEEN IN SOME REALLY COOL BANDS!
THANKS TIMMY FORE TELLING YOUR STORY! LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
Panic attacks - I've felt recently that maybe I've really only struggled with true panic attacks for about 2 years now which seem to be getting worse as I get older. sometimes I deal with these daily which will come and go for weeks at a time..these for me look like this...:
My panic wakes me up from my deep sleep usually around 3:00am sharp every day M-F and immediately fills my mind with fear, panic, what if's, bad thoughts, thinking in the past, etc.. Mondays seem to be the worst as I am worried about what will happen in the work week ahead. I get to the point where I (literally) throw-up because my thoughts and emotions are everywhere and the release of all of that is relieving. I recognize that my body goes into a fight or flight mode and can't come out of it. I can't control it, and I don't intentionally invite it in.
I leave a social setting and begin to worry if people liked me, what i said, or how i appeared.. I show up with high levels of marijuana that make me comfortable to be around people and that alone might cause me to be shy, embarrassed, nervous, mute, and awkward.
I leave my circle or routine and become very uncomfortable and stuck. For example: if I go out of town for a work trip for a couple of nights, i can't eat, sleep, or be productive because my anxiety shows up and wants me to slave to it knowing I am uncomfortable and need to go back home.
I leave work feeling it wasn't enough, that I could have done better and fear that someone else recognizes that, too. Fear of imperfection which alone causes imperfection to become a vicious cycle.
Vices - My fiance, listening and playing music, consuming marijuana, golfing, taking long hot showers, lying down and relaxing, funny comedies (that I've seen over 100+ times), sex, or going for a long drive.
How have I healed? - I take it day by day and think that learning to live with it is somewhat healing. It's not going anywhere and I need to embrace that rather than try and rid it from my life. Being open to friends, family, and co-workers has also been healing knowing that i have a support group who loves and cares about me and what I am going through mentally.
How do I feel? - I am well but other times unwell. Taking it day by day is nice until a situation comes out of nowhere that can test how I react to it.
I am now 28 years old and feel like this is a new adventure every day but I am learning.
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THANKS TIMMY & TALK TO YOU SOON!