MY PANIC ATTACK GHOST STORY:
- I just got done running a mile way too fast.. my heart was racing and I couldn't catch my breath. I had a minor panic attack and left the gym.
- On the way back, I thought "What if I felt that same feeling, right now, in traffic, on this bridge, without no wear to go, trapped, phew... feeling one now. ha.
"Thank god for my anxious thoughts because without them, I would feel comfortable...."
- 2019: Added our beautiful son in July 2019, stress of a new born, on top of our amazing 3 year old daughter and my wife having mastitis on the same day of my first panic attack, finally hit me like a sack of potatoes when I finally labeled the feeling.
- Sure, I've freaked out in the past, but I never knew what panic was because frankly my parents didn't teach me why I was feeling this way and how to cope.
ANYWHO, WHAT NEXT...
For the rest of 2020, I couldn't even go to a restaurant without thinking about anxiety and feeling anxious. YES EVEN PRE-COVID. Didn't even know about the thing when I started working on anxiety which was great, cause yes it did get way worse before it got better.
- I would freak out so much about how I felt, I would get crazy brain fog, headaches, and the worst... extreme vertigo. I would get scared thinking "what if I fainted right now, how embarrassing would that be?". I was living off what if thoughts for the first three months until March when it was more real feeling having something to actually panic about, the pandemic starting.
- WORKING OUT
- VIDEO GAMES
- PACING BACK AND FORTH WONDERING IF "IS THIS IT?" "AM I DYING?"
(The answer was nope, actually really healthy)
- I tried therapy, but I was way to stubborn, and it didn't work.
- I tried the "chill pill SSRI" for a month, and that didn't work.
WHAT DID WORK?
Accepting it, FINALLY.
- Knowing that anxiety will always be with me and okay with my ghosts always following me.
- Knowing that anxiety comes from the unknown thoughts of the future and that depression comes from thoughts of the past... (didn't have much depression however).
- Knowing that I was okay, and that it was okay not to be okay.
- Knowing that I could talk about it to everyone, because believe it or not... Everyone, literally everyone I know has anxiety, and if they don't, they are lying to themselves about it.
I always say:
"Thank god for my Anxious thoughts (Mental Ghosts) because without them, I would feel comfortable, and with comfort I become complacent. Anxiety is the definition of uncomfortable, change is uncomfortable, taking risks is uncomfortable, making change is uncomfortable... so I would choose to be uncomfortable over and over again so I can learn to live with peace with it than without it (even though it does suck ass)"
- Mental Ghosts
WHAT SPECIFICALLY WORKED? (Not Sponsored, But I highly recommend)
- Panic Free TV (My type of therapy, GREAT class)
- Weezle (Entertainment and distraction)
And of course I listened to my anxiety, challenged myself more, realized that I have ADHD and learned how to use these traits as more of a strength than a weakness...
- Talking to friends and family more
- Appreciate the little things!
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."
- John Lennon
Austin's MENTAL GHOST STORY