THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ & THANK YOU FOR YOUR GHOST STORY STEVE & YOUR HUMBLENESS TO SHARE
THIS IS MY BADASS FRIEND STEPHEN RESSET. A LOCAL INFLUENCER BOTH SPIRITUALLY AND AS A FATHER!
- STEPHAN RESSET HAS A REALLY GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS, BUT KEEP IN MIND MENTAL GHOSTS ARE HERE FOR THE INDIVIDUALS, NOT TO INFLUENCE ONE BELIEF TO ANOTHER. WE ARE A COMMUNITY OF MENTAL GHOST HEALERS AND TO LET PEOPLE KNOW WE ARE ALL THE SAME BEYOND OUR PERSONAL BELIEFS. WE ARE HERE TO HELP UNPROFESSIONALLY, TRYING TO BUILD A CULTURE OF KNOWING YOU ARE OKAY.
WARNING: THIS POST MIGHT HAVE SOME TRAUMA TRIGGERS FOR SOME OF US. JUST KNOW, JUST LIKE STEPHAN, THERE IS ALWAYS HELP AND HE WOULD LOVE TO EVEN HELP WITH HIS STORY AND CONTACT INFORMATION EVEN. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
THANKS STEVE AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Do you love me? Pt 3 -
THE PAST: (TRAUMA WARNING & GRAPHIC)
June 13th, 2013
I stare at the knife for what seems like an hour. I am transfixed to the blade. I had never noticed it’s length and sharpness. This would be a great tool for the job. Would it be able to pierce my neck so I would bleed out? Wasn’t a gun a more efficient way? Where would I find a gun? No….It had to be the knife. It's all I have.
The only thing that holds me back is the clean-up. I am at the end of myself, but I still have some shred of decency. What about my roommate? He's a great guy. We love to play basketball together. I'm a terrible friend if I leave him with my dead body right? And then there is the mess to deal with. How much blood do I have in my body? The blood would be everywhere. Plus, I want to traumatize him if he walked in on my dead corpse. Okay, I won’t end my life with a knife. There must be an easier and less messy way.
I jump in my truck and head out towards the interstate. I know what I'll do. I will end my life by
driving into oncoming traffic. That seems more logical. It would be a wild way to go out. My
body will be found by paramedics. Noone of importance to me will see the remnants of my
body and It will be over quick.
I hit the open road and head south. It's beautiful and I'm at peace as I stare at the mountains. I don't remember the last time I have felt this "peace". I maneuver myself towards the other lane. I yell and scream and hit my chest as I prepare for the epic conclusion to a wasted life. My end is near. I am ready. It's June 23rd. I'm 23 years old, and I can't wait to leave this world behind.
There is never one thing that gets us close to suicide. It’s usually a long road to a point of total
burnout. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of the emotions. I am at a point where the emotional
pain outweighs the amount of time it will take to get relief. At this point I didn’t see the value I
brought to the world. The voices of inadequacy are too loud for me to ignore any longer. I do my best to speak encouragement over my life but I don’t believe it. My circumstances and the
ghosts have left me with little hope.
I'm jacked up! I have some positive emotions for the first time in weeks! My friends and family
will be rid of me. My main goal at this point is to stop hurting people. My loved ones had spent
so much time worrying/agonizing/helping me. If I can give them some relief it would transform their lives.
This gives me comfort. I wanted to give the ones I loved relief. I was a mess. As much as I’m tired of letting down my family… Its far from my biggest concern at the moment.
My biggest concern is that a week prior I received some awful news. Which will become the
best news. I received the information that my ex-girlfriend had become pregnant with my baby!
YIKES! There are so many layers to how much this shatters me! The arrival of this information
overcomes and penetrates my body with the worst anxiety I have ever experienced. As my
ex-girlfriend (yes ex-girlfriend) shares with me that we were pregnant. I begged her to get an
abortion. Something that I hate! Something that I still can’t believe I asked her to do. I cried as I argued with her about who the father was. “It can’t be mine.”! Did we use protection? Did you plan this? Don’t you sleep with other guys! I yelled at her. I can’t be a father. I don’t know how. I’ll ruin this baby, I lamented. Then the shame overtakes me. I proclaim to be a Christian. What will my church say? I have completely let down my christian brothers and sisters. I can never show up to church again!
“Look at what I’ve done to this poor girl. She will be a single mother.” That is a tough pill to
swallow. I had failed school, relationships, jobs and now I would fail as a father. I had to get out of the way. I couldn’t do to my child what I had done to so many other people. I was going to break this child. I knew I couldn’t stay around. Everyone might hate me for taking my life but at least I would remove the variable of pain for my ex and future child.
June 13th 2013… I took a deep breath as I pulled into the other lane on the highway. This was it. I wasn’t afraid. I am relieved. It would all be over soon. I closed my eyes as I saw the vehicles coming towards me. “Please forgive me mom and dad. Please forgive me for the hate I held for you. Please know that I tried to be the best son I could be.” I whispered.
CONCLUSION:
I didn't take my life that day. At the last minute I heard a voice shout at me “NO”! - People might argue with me and say that was my own will to live. Yet, it was the voice of the Lord. I know he saved me that day. It was the most forceful and trustworthy voice I’ve ever heard. It was tender yet stern. It was good. I felt his love and grace in the moments before I wanted to end it all. I knew in an instant I am forgiven of all the malice I had caused others. I felt comforted in my pain and understood like never before. I swerved back into my lane and spun out into the barrow pit.
I wept for an hour in that burrow pit. Wondering how it had gotten so bad? What were these voices that were trying to destroy me? I thought things would be better if I weren't here? That was the worst and best day of my life. As a follower of Jesus I had lost sight of the truth. I had lost sight of the fact that I am forgiven and loved. No matter how bad it gets. I will always be able to come back to my savior. It was a slow and steady decline to absolute despair and nihilism. A despair that almost robbed my parents of a child and my daughter Harper of a father. It was the most exhausting and painful day of my life. But in a moment I chose to keep going. I chose to fight towards freedom instead of giving up.
That is the day that I chose life over death. I choose hope over despair. The hope of purpose in Jesus saved my life that day. The hope that the future would somehow be better. That I wasn’t alone in my pain gave me salvation. I won’t lie. It hasn’t been easy being a single father over the last seven years. I’ve struggled with many lonely nights. I’ve fought and battled the voices that still look to bring me down. Being a father is the hardest and most rewarding job a man can have. I’m so thankful I get the joy of being my daughter's father. I’m so thankful that Jesus chose to yell “NO” at me.
Jesus came in and delivered me. I know this. I deeply believe He intimately loves me and has
purpose for me in this life going forward.
If you are struggling with these same voices. PLEASE call out to Jesus. PLEASE call a friend. If you don’t have a friend. PLEASE call me.
(406) 925-0691
Now I try to use this mess I went through for a MESSAGE. I try to use the pain that almost took
my life as a PLATFORM. I believe that God has that for you as well. Our pain has meaning! It's
meant to help others walk through theirs. Our heartaches to help people find the courage to
keep going.
For anyone dealing with depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I don't have all the answers for you. This is not a story to give you the three steps back to health. I don't know the answers. But I know the ONE who does. His name is Jesus and HE died for you 2000 years ago so that you may LIVE!!!
I'm still fighting my ghosts each day. They try to destroy me. They torment me and want failure for this beautiful life I have. I still have to fight against the negative and victim thoughts that I have. I still get mad at my girlfriend and make a mess of relationships at times. But it’s getting better. There is more hope. My mind is being renewed every day.
I'm still mad at my parents for divorcing when I was a youngster. I'm still hurt that I endured the pain of rejection and confusion. I'm angered that they didn't stick it out or at least comfort their 10-year-old boy through the chaos.
I choose every day to forgive so I can have some sort of relationship with the ones that
wounded me the most. There is no amount of apologies or atonement that will remedy the pain caused. I have to tell myself that it wasn't personal. They didn't know. They would never do it if they knew.
I have to choose every day to be the best father I can be. Let me tell you. It's hard and I'm so
flawed. I can't imagine the emotional wounds I'm causing my daughter. But I keep trying! I keep showing up and I don't quit on her.
In June of 2013 my mental ghosts almost ended my life and robbed my mother and father of a son and my daughter of a father. BUT THEY DIDN'T! I'm still here! A Savor spoke from Heaven to deliver me. I took on the best shot the Ghosts had and I lived! I chose hope over my ghosts! I chose to live one more day.
Best,
SR
YOU WILL HEAR BACK FROM STEPHEN A LOT, SO I HOPE YOU LIKE HIM. PLEASE ALSO REACH OUT TO HIM WITH ANY ADVICE IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN. HE IS NOT LICENSED, BUT HERE AS A FRIEND.
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CHEERS STEVE & TALK TO YOU SOON
(STEVE IS NOT A LICENSED THERAPIST, IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED A PROFESSIONAL PLEASE REACH OUT TO ONE OR CALL THE SUICIDE HOTLINE IF YOU NEED
800-273-8255 )